Black people dont (w)rap

There's 2 things I know for sure about blogging:

1. Pretty much anybody with an internet connection and around 12 - 43 minutes of uninterrupted time can do it.
2. Not everyone should.

I'm probably in that second category, but lucky for you guys, I have very sweet and enthusiastic friends who think otherwise. Also lucky for you guys I made my password to this thing super easy so I would still remember it when I'm drunk. That's when the real magic happens. Just think of it as the master bedroom in an episode of MTV Cribs.  Keepin shit real. Keepin shit classy. Keepin shit reaaaaaaaaaaaaal classy.

Seriously, though, there is one reason and one reason only that I'm doing this. I need people to know about what happened at work today. I am going to use this new power (does blogging give you power?) to share with the world how different we all really are. Sure, people will tell you that deep down everyone is the same. But, those people are liars - because I found out today that apparently black people don't wrap presents for anything other than Christmas related gift giving.

WHAAAAAAaaaoohmygoooodddaAAAATTTT????

I know. Let it marinate for a minute because this is real life. I was told this little nugget of information approximately 2 hours before I was called a token white girl. Those things aren't related in any capacity other than me being happy that I work with people that are comfortable with saying such things. Anyshit, let's get back to subject at hand. You think you know...but you have no idea. This is the diary of things I learn from my two black work roommates.

Before you ask yourself out loud as you're reading this how this subject would have ever come up, let me tell you. (oh my god am I in your head right now or what?!) I ordered a friend of mine a baby shower present that I had delivered to work and it is currently taking up residence behind my cubicle. The reason for this is one part laziness and one part I had some wrapping paper there that I ordered from a coworker's kid's fundraiser thing and the aforementioned one part laziness never took it home. Put it all together and you get - delivering things to work so you can wrap them there!!

So here we are on an average Thursday when Girl Coworker (I'm protecting the innocent here. She's already in the middle of a battle with someone big time invading her privacy, but that's a story for another day) asks what I'm going to do with the present. (Possibly her way of asking if I'm pregnant because she has to hear about my life second hand when I'm giving the scoop to Boy Coworker on the reg). I give her the, now obvious white person answer, that I was going to wrap it- duh. She then gives me the response heard 'round the world... "Oh, but is it for Christmas?".

I thought about just giving it to her. I mean, she's new. She's from Detroit. She has that other thing going on (you guys it's crazy). But, I couldn't let it go. It's January 10th. Christmas was over like a decade ago in drug store holiday time. (Easter stuff is already out. Too soon, Walgreens. We just celebrated the birth of Christ, for his sake, let the body get cold for a second before you force us to start being stoked about him rising from the dead. I will take 2 Cadbury eggs to go, however.)

Here's a quickie on how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: Well, no. It's for a baby shower.
GC: So you wrap presents for other things?
Me: I mean..yeah. Like for all holidays.

GC: So Thanksgiving, too?

At this point I'm starting to think she's fucking with me...

Me: ...No. Like, All holidays and events that require present giving.

GC: Seriously? You wrap presents for things besides Christmas?
Me: Well, yeah. Don't you?
GC: No. Never.

Then Boy Coworker hears and corroborates her confusion about it all. The next 10 or so minutes is spent convincing each other that we weren't judging, it just sounded so foreign. Then Boy Coworkers says "It must be a white people thing". 

And that was that. Can't argue with the truth.

After the initial shock of it all wore off for all parties, there was a short conversation about gift bags and how they come from Americans being too lazy to actually gift wrap anymore. Which lead for a second to BC asking if I was calling them lazy. Which went into a weird Django thing before we all laughed and laughed and then talked about how I needed to bridge this gap via blog form. People need to know that this is a real life thing. All this time white people have been wasting monies and energies gift wrapping when all you have to do is just hand people shit and they're just as amped about getting it. (cue the Les Mis - "dream" song)

So here it is. Pretend when you're done reading this a star shoots across the screen and I'm in the background singing.. The more you knoooooooow.

Smell ya later precious ponies.