There's 2 things I know for sure about turning 30:
1. Most people are pretty bummed when it happens.
2. Gray hair starts popping up faster than you can even pluck it out. (seriously!)
Although I can't say I'm excited about the impending creaky bones and daily Metamucil intake - there are several things that have happened in my first 30 years that I'm pretty cool with leaving behind me in the next 30. I was trying to come up with a list of 30 things until I realized I'm kindofclose to perfection and I can't even THINK of 30 things that I need to improve on. Here goes:
- I'm too modest. Don't be afraid to humble brag a little from 30-60, Mer. You earned it! (this has already started)
- A lot of the things I came up with were excrement and peepee related. (you like how I throw a big word and a baby word at you in one swoop? I'm so good. (see: #1)). Like, having to wear diapers, peeing the bed, stepping in dog poop, peeing my pants at Haunted Houses - all things happened in my life so far and I would be super cool with letting them all go. (yes, I am fully aware that most of these things will come back around for my last 30 years, but it'll be cool to get rid of em for awhile).
- Getting Arrested. While I will say that this wasn't my fault - so will every other criminal on the planet. Another thing I learned from this is, although it's the worst day of your life, you will come out with a hell of a story. Also, always change your lights when they burn out. Oh - and if you make friends with a lady that has a sling on and bite marks all over her face, she will most definitely ask you to take her to Krystal when you get free. Don't do it.
- Going Blonde. I'm too pale for this. You know it, I know it, and the weave knows it.
- Red Lipstick. I'm too pale for this. You know it, I know it, and the weave knows it. No matter what you guys say to me when I try to put crimson on these limp noodles I like to call lips, I look awful in every picture. Stop letting me do this !!
- Sitting on a trampoline when someone is shooting fireworks under it. I will only take half responsibility for this because why was someone shooting fireworks under a trampoline we were sitting on??? Booze can make life so hilarious and weird.
- Trying to do the 1-2-3 kid kick. You don't know what this is? click here. It's the one where the other guy is holding his leg and he spins around and kicks him with his OTHER leg. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! This could be the actual match we were watching when I got the bright idea to do this on the couch/chair. The idea became not so bright when I wiped out and broke my wrist because I couldn't catch my fall with my other hand. Why? Because my pinky was already broken from wrestling another dude. It's a good thing I wasn't a tom boy when I was little - that would be weird.
- Sushi. That's it. I don't like it, you guys. Quit trying to make me.
- Buying gummy vitamins from Amazon. Amazon Prime is the best thing to happen to me (such a 30 year old thing to say) but there are some things that you should just buy at the store. Gummy vitamins is one of them. 50% of the time they will come to you melted into one giant gummy. This is only good for parties.
- Going to a Red Sox game with any expectation that they will win because I am there. It just won't happen. Also, included in this, is buying a player specific shirt. Without fail they will be traded or not picked up almost immediately after. I have a green thumb. Or the golden touch. Or awful karma, I forget what they say.
- Taking a good driver's license picture. I'm currently 0-3. The picture above was supposed to be a joke about practicing for my picture. It actually came out better looking than what my license picture did. At what point do you think they'll just let us use one of your instagram pictures? Filters fah dayssssssss. Or, at what point do you think I'll realize it's probably just my face ?
To celebrate 30 my friends planned a big Redneck Themed Scavenger hunt. I'm pretty excited about this. I hope that I can come back on Monday with plenty of stories about how awesome it is, but the truth is, I will probably still be too hungover.
In all honesty I have heard way too many times that your 30's are the best, but I'm not sure how I'm going to top the last 30. I have the best friends and family that I could ever ask for and I'm not sure how it can get better than this. There will probably be a lot more booze, though. Some things you just can't quit.
SEEYOULATERSTAYCOOLASACAMELBYE
you can move onto being a true 30 year old old and buying your vita gummies at sams or costco. :)
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