Shine bright like a diamond

Big weekend you guys - You know what I'm talking about. It's new Pope weekend!!

There's 2 things I know for sure about new Pope weekend:

1. It almost always coincides with St. Paddy's Day.
2. I know nothing about new Pope weekend.

Seriously, though, we need to really rock this out for the big guy. Am I Catholic? Nope. I'm also only part Irish (the good part), but that's not gonna stop me from doing what Catholics do third best! (Drinking, in case you didn't figure that part out. Comes after being depressed about football and sinning. At the risk of offending or outing my Catholic friends, I'm going to leave "sinning" as a broad statement.)

I dunno about you, but I love green beer about as much as I love any kind of green alcohol.  Or any colored beer, for that matter. Moreso if we're talking that apple pucker shit. Basically it being green has no purpose other than it's fun and will match my outfit. But, I'm SUPER PUMPED FOR IT! Some of my favorite things to do on St. Paddy's day are hanging out with my friends, walking around, not pinching people because that's weird, listening to awesome voicemails people leave in my hotel room (this is a real thing. click on it ), hanging out on hotel balconies playing drinking games, and also sometimes I enjoy a beer or cocktail or 20. Seeing as how this year I'm still off the vodka (16 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) we'll be doing a lot of the beer thing. Nothin says Paddy's day like a green beer mustache that just won't quit!

In order to make this St. Patrick's day more fun, I'll be doing this in a group of people instead of alone. I suggest you do the same. Drinking alone only has it's pros when you're puking and you don't want people to see you. Or when someone broke up with you via text message and you don't want people to see you. Or if you have no friends so you don't care if people see you because there is no one to see you. Also, drinking green beer at home can be a little dangerous. I know from experience that a little dab'el do ya. No need for 4 squirts in one pint. (that's what she said?). Basically you'll ruin your tongue color for a week but everything is fine. 

I will be celebrating on Saturday and Sunday and I'm hoping to get people on board to play this drinking game with me - so please, let's make this a thing. I'm putting it in writing so we can pull it up when we're out and we don't remember.

1. Drink any time you see a real life ginger. 
2. Drink any time you see an asshole trying to dance like a leprechaun.
3. Double drink any time you see a real life ginger asshole dancing like a leprechaun.
4. Drink every time you stand in line for more than  5 minutes for anything. (jk don't do that, you'll only ever be drinking)
5. Drink any time you see someone peeing or puking in a place that's not a bathroom.
6. Everyone you're with has to drink if you see a black irishman. Like, a real one. 
7. Take a shot every time you hear about gold at the end of a rainbow.
8. Marry the person who has actual gold at the end of a rainbow.
9. Drink every time you see someone with a green peen on their face. (or their body. Who am I to judge?!)

K I WOULD LOVE TO STAY BUT I NEED TO START PREPPING MY LIVER ! 

Ps you guys what if we had a black pope? the world would've exfreakingsploded!


BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE      

I always thought James Naismith was a black person

Hey guys - I'm back. Shining bright like a diamond (duh). 

There's 2 things I know for sure about James Naismith:

1. He is the creator of basketball. (I learned that in my History of Sports in the Media class I took in college. Yes, that's a real class and yes, it did help me win a game of Bamboozled one time.)

2. This whole time I thought he was a black guy until I was talking to my work roommate about it and he assured me the guy was white. Turns out, according to google, he wasn't just any white guy. He was a super white guy. See here ---------->

That looks like a dude you'd wanna have sequestered because he's just too white to be real life. So, whatever, I'm all kinds of wrong about it but I just don't understand how he's not a black dude. The majority of the James' I know are black. Except for and the Giant Peach. Or my friends husband who has super cool dreads. Every other James? Black dude. But moving on...

You know what I know you're gonna ask now? "Why were you guys talking about James Naismith?". I was right, wasn't I? (Of course I was right! Because even if you weren't gonna ask that it doesn't matter because this is my blog and in my head you totally did ask that, so you're welcome!). WELL I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SILLY GOOSE! We got there on a long road that started with the Harlem Shake and ended with the comments on a Harlem Shake video.

If you guys are bewildered about what I'm talking about, let me explain.

Apparently some people, and yes they are mostly black, are pretty TO'd about white people "stealing" the Harlem Shake. 

Here is what it is supposed to look like, I guess:

Real Shake
  

And here is what is all over the internet like a case of the Herpes...or glitter, which is the herpes of art supplies:


Fake Shake

I mean - either way they're both hilarious if you ask me, and you are because you're reading this. I dunno how those people from Harlem do it, but somehow they make their arms move like they're moist cheese curds all while idiosyncratically moving their feet in ways I didn't know it was possible for the human body to move. It's impressive, really. But - you know what else is impressive? Watching essentially  the same video done by 700 people and it's still funny. So, in that case, I feel like we should just all agree that both Harlem Shake's have a place in this world and we should just all settle down, drink a 40 oz of miller lite or colt 45 respectively, and enjoy everything the internet has to offer. Because, really, I'm pretty sure black people have other things they should be more concerned with. Seriously. I will give you a list of them, because I super like lists and it makes things look way bigger when you list them one by one.

1. Chris Brown and Rhianna are engaged? Jesus take the wheel. 

2. Dennis Rodman  went to North Korea and is now talking about how "great" Kim Jung Un is. This is a real thing. Google it.

3. Kobe Bryant is still not in jail and could be raping you at any time. Or even worse than that and also (kindof) related - Rondo tore his ACL. Basically his ACL got Rondo'd.  

4. We still don't know who shot Tupac and Biggie.

5. Being ashy. It's cold outside, guys. And as a white girl - if it's fucking me up, I know it's fucking you up. 

6. Beyonce tickets sold out everywhere in like 35 seconds and now cost a million dollars. Yes, I'm STILL mad about this!!

7. That's about the extent of my black people problem knowledge - but there's a whole tumblr dedicated to it - so I KNOW there's shit worse than the Harlem Shake videos on there: http://blackpeopleproblem.tumblr.com/. 

8. I accidentally stayed 30 minutes late at work today. 

Also, you should move on to the goat remix videos anyway. The Taylor Swift and Gotye ones made me pee a little in my pantaloons.


I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH MY TEETH HURT SEEEEEEYAAAAAAAABYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE