Shine bright like a diamond

Big weekend you guys - You know what I'm talking about. It's new Pope weekend!!

There's 2 things I know for sure about new Pope weekend:

1. It almost always coincides with St. Paddy's Day.
2. I know nothing about new Pope weekend.

Seriously, though, we need to really rock this out for the big guy. Am I Catholic? Nope. I'm also only part Irish (the good part), but that's not gonna stop me from doing what Catholics do third best! (Drinking, in case you didn't figure that part out. Comes after being depressed about football and sinning. At the risk of offending or outing my Catholic friends, I'm going to leave "sinning" as a broad statement.)

I dunno about you, but I love green beer about as much as I love any kind of green alcohol.  Or any colored beer, for that matter. Moreso if we're talking that apple pucker shit. Basically it being green has no purpose other than it's fun and will match my outfit. But, I'm SUPER PUMPED FOR IT! Some of my favorite things to do on St. Paddy's day are hanging out with my friends, walking around, not pinching people because that's weird, listening to awesome voicemails people leave in my hotel room (this is a real thing. click on it ), hanging out on hotel balconies playing drinking games, and also sometimes I enjoy a beer or cocktail or 20. Seeing as how this year I'm still off the vodka (16 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) we'll be doing a lot of the beer thing. Nothin says Paddy's day like a green beer mustache that just won't quit!

In order to make this St. Patrick's day more fun, I'll be doing this in a group of people instead of alone. I suggest you do the same. Drinking alone only has it's pros when you're puking and you don't want people to see you. Or when someone broke up with you via text message and you don't want people to see you. Or if you have no friends so you don't care if people see you because there is no one to see you. Also, drinking green beer at home can be a little dangerous. I know from experience that a little dab'el do ya. No need for 4 squirts in one pint. (that's what she said?). Basically you'll ruin your tongue color for a week but everything is fine. 

I will be celebrating on Saturday and Sunday and I'm hoping to get people on board to play this drinking game with me - so please, let's make this a thing. I'm putting it in writing so we can pull it up when we're out and we don't remember.

1. Drink any time you see a real life ginger. 
2. Drink any time you see an asshole trying to dance like a leprechaun.
3. Double drink any time you see a real life ginger asshole dancing like a leprechaun.
4. Drink every time you stand in line for more than  5 minutes for anything. (jk don't do that, you'll only ever be drinking)
5. Drink any time you see someone peeing or puking in a place that's not a bathroom.
6. Everyone you're with has to drink if you see a black irishman. Like, a real one. 
7. Take a shot every time you hear about gold at the end of a rainbow.
8. Marry the person who has actual gold at the end of a rainbow.
9. Drink every time you see someone with a green peen on their face. (or their body. Who am I to judge?!)

K I WOULD LOVE TO STAY BUT I NEED TO START PREPPING MY LIVER ! 

Ps you guys what if we had a black pope? the world would've exfreakingsploded!


BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE      

I always thought James Naismith was a black person

Hey guys - I'm back. Shining bright like a diamond (duh). 

There's 2 things I know for sure about James Naismith:

1. He is the creator of basketball. (I learned that in my History of Sports in the Media class I took in college. Yes, that's a real class and yes, it did help me win a game of Bamboozled one time.)

2. This whole time I thought he was a black guy until I was talking to my work roommate about it and he assured me the guy was white. Turns out, according to google, he wasn't just any white guy. He was a super white guy. See here ---------->

That looks like a dude you'd wanna have sequestered because he's just too white to be real life. So, whatever, I'm all kinds of wrong about it but I just don't understand how he's not a black dude. The majority of the James' I know are black. Except for and the Giant Peach. Or my friends husband who has super cool dreads. Every other James? Black dude. But moving on...

You know what I know you're gonna ask now? "Why were you guys talking about James Naismith?". I was right, wasn't I? (Of course I was right! Because even if you weren't gonna ask that it doesn't matter because this is my blog and in my head you totally did ask that, so you're welcome!). WELL I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SILLY GOOSE! We got there on a long road that started with the Harlem Shake and ended with the comments on a Harlem Shake video.

If you guys are bewildered about what I'm talking about, let me explain.

Apparently some people, and yes they are mostly black, are pretty TO'd about white people "stealing" the Harlem Shake. 

Here is what it is supposed to look like, I guess:

Real Shake
  

And here is what is all over the internet like a case of the Herpes...or glitter, which is the herpes of art supplies:


Fake Shake

I mean - either way they're both hilarious if you ask me, and you are because you're reading this. I dunno how those people from Harlem do it, but somehow they make their arms move like they're moist cheese curds all while idiosyncratically moving their feet in ways I didn't know it was possible for the human body to move. It's impressive, really. But - you know what else is impressive? Watching essentially  the same video done by 700 people and it's still funny. So, in that case, I feel like we should just all agree that both Harlem Shake's have a place in this world and we should just all settle down, drink a 40 oz of miller lite or colt 45 respectively, and enjoy everything the internet has to offer. Because, really, I'm pretty sure black people have other things they should be more concerned with. Seriously. I will give you a list of them, because I super like lists and it makes things look way bigger when you list them one by one.

1. Chris Brown and Rhianna are engaged? Jesus take the wheel. 

2. Dennis Rodman  went to North Korea and is now talking about how "great" Kim Jung Un is. This is a real thing. Google it.

3. Kobe Bryant is still not in jail and could be raping you at any time. Or even worse than that and also (kindof) related - Rondo tore his ACL. Basically his ACL got Rondo'd.  

4. We still don't know who shot Tupac and Biggie.

5. Being ashy. It's cold outside, guys. And as a white girl - if it's fucking me up, I know it's fucking you up. 

6. Beyonce tickets sold out everywhere in like 35 seconds and now cost a million dollars. Yes, I'm STILL mad about this!!

7. That's about the extent of my black people problem knowledge - but there's a whole tumblr dedicated to it - so I KNOW there's shit worse than the Harlem Shake videos on there: http://blackpeopleproblem.tumblr.com/. 

8. I accidentally stayed 30 minutes late at work today. 

Also, you should move on to the goat remix videos anyway. The Taylor Swift and Gotye ones made me pee a little in my pantaloons.


I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH MY TEETH HURT SEEEEEEYAAAAAAAABYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  

Took me 3 days to get sober enough to write this

Mardi Gras.

That's where I was and that's what this blog is going to be about. Kind of like a "do's" and "dont's" but way less mommish.

There's 2 things I know for sure about Mardi Gras:

1. You're gonna get drunk. 
2. You're gonna get really drunk. 

First thing's first - please do look at the gif to the right here of my friend failing to win the flashdance dance on the bed game that somehow was a good idea after a long day of drinking. You should probably watch it 8 times a day, because that's what I do. I would love to show you the whole video, but that's a process and I just gave up vodka for lent so I'm not trying to do anybody any favors today.

Also, do go with fun people. The majority of my laughter was spent at the hotel rooms and waiting for parades to arrive. Sure, getting wasted and hit on and having your ass full hand grabbed at the bar/on the street is fun, but it's not as fun as interviewing the drunkest of your friends so that you can watch the shenanigans in the morning. Or - as you see above - watching them fall off the bed. Nothing in the history of anything is more fun than watching your friend Harlem shake herself onto the floor. (I hear the "Harlem shake" is back, but it's been super whited down). Do you get my point here? If not, please stop reading and look up and to the right again. I just did - and a little pee came out.

Don't try to plan anything. You can try, but nothing you plan out is going to work the way you think it is. Planning on meeting your friends at the hotel when you get there so you can go out? Wrong. There's going to be a parade that makes it impossible to even get to your hotel. Don't worry though, because you're going to end up running into them whilst talking to cops on horses. Planning on not taking shots? Wrong, some chick is literally going to shot rape your mouth for $27. Planning on having a chill first night there since you got in at 10pm? haha - yeah right - you're going to be pulled on stage with a girl who is literally showing her boobs and vag, have a dance party at a daquiri bar, pay $30 to go into a gay bar before one of your friends makes you leave, go pay another $15 to watch a big dick contest while same friend cries about a boy, fall off of a stool (but land on your feet), and then have to help your other friend run away from big dick #3. What's that saying go? You make plans and God laughs? I also feel like God is laughing at my lack of vodka for the next 40 days. Rude. 

 
Speaking of dont's - don't use your debit card. If you're like me and try to not put things on credit (mostly because they're maxed out) and try to only use your debit card - you're going to get screwed. Why would you get screwed? Oh because they know you're out of town and wasted and they will charge your card $100 for a $17 tab. How do I know that will happen? Because it did. Just like everything else in this blog. So - if you aren't going to save your receipts, which you won't because I'm the only asshole who does that - use your credit card so you can dispute those charges.

Don't bring panties. I don't say this because I want you to be hoochie or gross, I say this because when you walk down the street you will get several pairs thrown at you. This way, you can save your good stuff and just wear what you get. You probably will feel less bad about peeing your pants that way, too. Not that peeing your pants ever happens...

Back to do's - do go with friends who have been to Mardi Gras before. Especially if those friends have friends who go as well. Met some awesome people that we got to hang out with and actually knew what they were doing. That is, until your fally mcfallerson friend wanders alone because she's bored at Fat Tuesdays so you end up somewhere else. But, that's neither here nor there - or anywhere because where the f did she go!?! 

Lastly, do go to Mardi Gras. The younger you are the better. I'm pushing 30 and day 3 was getting pretty rough - and that is for someone who drinks regularly. If you don't have a liver soaked with vodka and Abita you should probably train for this kindof thing. Jesus take the wheel for you if you're a light weekend drinker. I honestly don't think you'll make it. If you need training tips let me know, I can type some out for you. 

That's all for this today. I need to go eat girl scout cookies and plan out how I'm going to use my last day of vodka drinking for awhile. Oh it's so good. In shots. With Red Bull. Flavored with soda and a splash of cran...whyamidoingthistomyself?!?! HOLD ME BYEEEEEEEEEE 

 

Where'd she get those bangs from? She got it from her mama!

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YOU WOULD SEE THE BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME AND THE CARD ATTACHED WOULD SAY...

THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIIIIEEENDD!

Blogging is a time commitment, guys. You don't really realize it until you try to make yourself do it on a consistent basis. But, it's kind of tough. It also doesn't help when the blogger is 2 steps away from being an alcoholic. I'd have way more time for blogging if I wasn't so busy drinking. Either way, today I am making myself do this. 

There's 2 things I know about making myself do things:

1. Sometimes it ends up being awesome (ie: staying out on Saturday night when I didn't want to and meeting a guy who let me remove his jacket sleeves, wear them, and then be his arms for this amazing picture...)

2. Sometimes it ends up being awful (ie: this blog, probably).


TODAY IS MY BEST FRIEND'S 31st BIRTHDAY!!! And I don't mean it like my best friend that I met 3 nights ago at a bar and took a couple of shots with and have been texting eachother emoticons so we're automatic besties (that smiling poop gets me every time!). I'm talking, the person I've known for 18 years with whom I spent the majority of my formative years around all day every day best friend. 

We have so many great moments that I would love to share with you, but I'm going to narrow it down to 3 of my favorites. So with that, here goes:

1. Back in 2000 when the election race between Dubya and Gore was hotter than Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love - there were 2 houses next door to each other on one of the main streets in a sweet little Tennessee town called Hermitage. These two houses were separated by a street, and also by their political affiliation. It was obviously a big deal for them to make sure their neighbor, and the world, knew who they were voting for. They did this by buying the biggest yard signs for their respective candidates that I've ever seen in real life. From the road these signs looked like they were pretty big - but when you get up close to them you realize they are bigger than your body (John Mayer shout out!). Wait, how do we know how big they are? Oh, well, that's the thing... we decided one night, around midnight, that it would be an excellent idea if we switched their signs. In the year 2000 we were seniors in high school so obviously we were fearless. Of course running into two yards at midnight in a gun totin' state is something I would never do as a 29 year old...actually scratch that. I feel like this is something I would still do... but anyway back to the story. We park the car, run out, run to the first sign and OH SHIT THIS THING IS HUGE AND HEAVY AND BUILT WITH WOOD WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!! We were in too deep to give up, though, so stuck to our guns (arms not pistols) and made it across. I'm 80% sure I peed myself laughing, and also probably because I wasn't used to such heavy lifting. We got the one sign across and then half assed getting the second sign across, but we still got it there. The only thing I regret is not being there to see the looks on their faces the next morning when they realized what happened. In my head they both look like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone when he puts the aftershave on. Sidebar: Macaulay is not spelled at all like I thought it was. Sidebar to the sidebar: Who in the Robert Frost names their kid Macaulay?

2. Our friend Jay was getting married a few years ago and because I'm almost more dude than I am broad I was invited to the bachelor party. Said party included us getting a Hummer limo and bar hopping downtown. Oh and there was lots of booze. That's a thing. After a quick snafu of the limo literally losing power and us sitting on the side of the road and slamming beer, we finally make it out! So we get hammered, ride around the streets of downown, and somehow decide that obviously the tourists are going to think we are Tim McGraw and Faith Hill- so we start screaming out the window "ELLO!!!! I'M FAIT EEL AND THIS IS ME USBAND TIM MCGRAAAWL". Oh, does that sound like a poor man's British accent to you? Because it should. Why did we put on a British accent to scream to strangers that we were Country Music's power couple? I dunno, blame it on the goose. (got me feelin' loose).

3. In High School people that didn't know better thought he and I were dating. This is probably because he used to write me notes talking about getting me pregnant and we were together 24/7. (speaking of - one time my crazy pot smoking teacher found one of those notes and called my mom in for a parent teacher conference to tell her about it. Ole' moms knew it was harmless and ended up getting more mad at the teacher for making her leave work. Mer for the w.) We decided our Senior Year, as a goodbye to everyone, we would milk their misconception for all we could. This included staged fights in the hallway after a big break up in our school's Love Lines. For those of you who don't have schools that make you pay 50 cents to put together a paper on Valentine's Day where you can leave 160 characters or less (first twitter!!!!!!) for your friends and loved ones, Love Lines are a thing where you could pay 50 cents to write a love note to your friends and loved ones and then they published it in a paper. You also had to pay for the paper. The worst part of love lines (i guess for some people, I wouldn't know about it) is if you didn't get any. The best part of love lines is when Ben and I schemed and included the following:

"To Meredith: Roses are red, violets are blue, trash gets dumped and so did you. Love, Ben"

"To Benjamin: Roses are red, violets are blue, bugs make me puke and so do you. No Love, Mer"

For us and our friends this was a hilarious action. For everyone else, it was the worst thing to happen in 2001. Worse than when Britney and Justin called it quits. Worse than when N*SYNC stopped making albums. Worse than that time someone came into their yard and switched their damn yard signs. I mean, it was a big deal. Most of the flack came down on Ben, which is awesome for me. How dare he break up with me in such a mean way for the whole school who had $1 to read!!!!! I got so many hugs and condolences. It was very sweet. He got dirty looks and one time got accosted at the grocery store from one of the bag boys who went to school with us and wasn't at all happy with the way he mistreated me. This also resulted in the sweet, but not my type, sophomore in my science class who I had convinced that he and I couldn't date because I had a boyfriend, writing me the best love letter I have ever seen. I'm pretty sure he drew wrestlers, four leaf clovers, and my name in stars on it. Unfortunately for him, Ben and I fake got back together like 2 days later.


Seriously though you guys I hope you are all lucky enough to have, or have had, or will have, a friend as amazing as my Benny. He's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt, except for when he's drunk as fuck on his 31st birthday and stealing the air horn from my purse to blow at the bar, and then calling me bad names when the bartender demands I take it away from him. Don't worry about why I have an air horn in my purse.

Next blog may need to be about Teen Mom 2, simply because while watching it right now there are so many things I need to say about it.

Catch ya later, STD's!
 

Riggity Rap Songs

Hey!!! Long time no blog. I'm so sorry for leaving you for this long but there's 2 things I know for sure about distance:

1. It makes the heart grow fonder.
2. If it's between you and your internet girlfriend for so long that you never meet, it's probably a friend of yours fucking with you, so don't get too upset when she fake dies.

That catfish stuff is crazy right?! I mean, sure, there was a documentary and now tv show about real life people doing it - but not 2nd place Heisman almost winner's. That is some wackadoo stuff. 

I thought maybe we could take a break from catfishing and focus on a more important aspect of life-

Rap songs.

You know how sometimes you're in your car and you just downloaded the number 1 rap song on itunes and you don't understand half of what they're talking about because you're a white girl from Nashville, TN that relies on her black work roommates for all of your urban information?? Well, lucky for you - with the help of my Boy Co-Worker, I have broken down (decompressed, if you will. (shout out Draughns junior college associates degree style big word!)) this popular rap song for you into white people language. I hope you can follow along, It was really hard work. And, I'm not just saying that so you'll feel bad for me, I'm saying that because I want you to know how much I love and care about you so that I can gain your trust and in a year from now you can find out that I'm not who I say I am at all, and in fact, I fake died of elphantits. (rip, future catfish me)

No, but seriously - this is long. And it made my brain hurt. But it was totally worth it. The black part is the actual lyrics, the red part is the white people translation. Why is it red? because it can't be white or you wouldn't be able to read it (gadoi).

I give you.. Clique - by Big Sean, Kanye West, and Jay-Z



 

(Hook: Big Sean)

Ain't nobody fucking with my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
Ain't nobody fresher than my muthafuckin
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
As I look around, they don't do it like my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
And all these bad bitches, man, they want the
They want the, they want the

(Hook: Large Shane)

Nobody is going to mess with my

Bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs

Nobody is cooler than my freaking

Bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs

When I search the landscape nobody is quite like my

Bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs, bffs

And every really pretty girl, bruh, they want the

They want the, they want the

(Verse 1: Big Sean)

I tell a bad bitch do whatever I say
My block behind me like I'm coming out the driveway
It's grind day, from Friday, to next Friday
I been up straight for nine days, I need a spa day
Yup, she trying get me that poo-tang
I might let my crew bang, my crew deeper than Wu Tang
I'm rolling with... fuck I'm saying? Girl, you know my crew name
You know 2 Chainz? Scrrr! I'm pulling up in that Bruce Wayne
But I'm the fucking villain, man, they kneeling when I'm walking in the building
Freaky women I be feeling from the bank accounts I'm filling
What a feeling, ah man, they gotta be
Young player from the D that's killing everything that he see for the dough

(Hook) 

(Verse 1: Large Shane)

When I speak to a beautiful woman I tell her to do what I tell her to

I’m friends with my neighbors so they will let me know if someone is trying to break into my house

I literally work 7 days a week – and I haven’t slept for 9. I need a massage.

Yes, She is trying to have sexual relations with me.

I would maybe let my best friends have sex with her – but I have a lot of best friends.

Here are some of my best friend’s names…jaykay, guys. You know who I hang out with.

Have you heard of that rapper named 2 chainz? Oh wait – here comes the Batmobile.

But jokes on you, you guys, because I’m the Joker. People pray when I’m around.

All the girls who are experienced sexually love me because I make a lot of money.

This is a really good day for a guy from Detroit who likes to date a lot of women and do illegal things for money

(Hook)

(Verse 2: Jay-Z)

Yeah, I'm talking Ye, yeah, I'm talking Rih
Yeah, I'm talking B, nigga, I'm talking me
Yeah, I'm talking bossy, I ain't talking Kelis
Your money too short, you can't be talking to me
Yeah, I'm talking LeBron, we ball in our family tree
G.O.O.D. Music drug-dealing cousin, ain't nothing fuckin' with we, me
Turn that 62 to 125, 125 to a 250
250 to a half a million, ain't nothin' nobody can do with me
Now who with me? ¡Vámonos! Call me Hov or Jefe
Translation: I'm the shit, least that what my neck say
Least that what my check say, lost my homie for a decade
Nigga down for like 12 years, ain't hug his son since the second grade
He never told. Who he gonna tell? We top of the totem pole
It's the Dream Team meets the Supreme Team
And all our eyes green it only means one thing
You ain't fucking with the clique

(Hook) 

(Verse 2: Sean Carter)

Yes, I am talking about Kanye, Yes, I am talking about Rihanna

Yes, I am talking about Beyonce, Friend, I’m talking about myself

Yes, I’m talking about being the boss, but I am NOT talking about Kelis !

If you are a poor I won’t talk to you so don’t try

Yes, I’m talking about being rich like LeBron James, everyone in my family is a rich

I am in the music industry and I also sell illegal substances, so don’t try to mess with me

I can turn $62,000 into $125,000, and then turn that $125,000 to $250,000

AND THEN turn $250,000 into $500,000, and nobody knows how I do it!

Does anybody want to help me do this? Let’s go! You can even call me by my nicknames.

Translation: I am really super awesome, I can buy 24k gold and diamonds.

You can look at my pay stubs – also, my friend got put in jail

He was there for like 12 years and he doesn’t get to see his offspring.

He never turned me into the authorities, besides, who would he tell? My dad is the Judge

And like I said – we’re super rich.

You are not messing with my bffs

(Hook)

(Verse 3: Kanye West)

Break records at Louis, ate breakfast at Gucci
My girl a superstar all from a home movie
Bow on our arrival - the un-American idols
What niggas did in Paris, got 'em hanging off the Eiffel
Yeah I'm talking business, we talking CIA
I'm talking George Tenet, I seen him the other day
He asked me about my Maybach, think he had the same
Except mine tinted and his might have been rented
You know white people get money, don't spend it
Or maybe they get money, buy a business
I rather buy 80 gold chains and go ign'ant
I know Spike Lee gone kill me but let me finish
Blame it on the pigment, we living no limits
Them gold Master P ceilings was just a figment 
Of our imagination, MTV cribs  
Now I'm looking at a crib right next to where TC lives
That's Tom Cruise, whatever she accuse
He wasn't really drunk he just had a frew brews
Pass the refreshments, a cool, cool beverage
Everything I do need a news crew's presence
Speedboat swerve, homie watch out for the waves
I'm way too black to burn from sun rays
So I just meditate at the home in Pompeii
About how I could build a new Rome in one day
Everytime I'm in Vegas they screaming like he's Elvis
But I just wanna design hotels and nail it
Shit is real, got me feeling Israelian
Like Bar Refaeli, Gisele, nah that's Brazilian
Went through, deep depression when my momma passed
Suicide, what kinda talk is that?
But I been talking to God for so long
And if you look at my life I guess he's talking back
Fucking with my clique

(Hook) 

(Verse 3: Kevin East)

I spend a lot of money at Louis Vuitton and I basically go to Gucci every morning, you guys.

I date a girl who is famous because of a sex tape

But America still loves us so much

I made a really good album with my friend last year

We made a lot of money doing it and it was super serious.

I’ve literally been hanging out with the Director of Central Intelligence

He was asking me about my car because he thinks he has the same one

But I put that color tint on my windows and he just leases his

You know how white people like to save their money or put it into businesses

When I come into some money I would rather just spend it stupidly on necklaces

Spike Lee gets upset about it but I guess he just forgot that we’ve been doing this a long time as a culture

Remember Master P’s ceilings on MTV cribs? They were gold, for Christ sake.

I’m also looking into purchasing property in the same neighborhood as TC

That’s Tom Cruise, and you guys, he’s a really good dude no matter what Katie says in their divorce proceedings

He wasn’t drunk on Oprah that day, he just had a little buzz

In fact, I could use a nice cold Budweiser right now, could you pass me one?

Literally everything I do is so awesome that people think it’s newsworthy

Sometimes I ride on my jet ski, so be careful that I don’t splash you

And I don’t even need to wear sun screen because I never get sunburned

So I can just lay out at my vacation home and think about how I have so much money that I could literally build Rome in one day

When I go to Vegas people freak out like they see a dead person who OD’d on his toilet

And it kindof gets on my nerves because, look guys, I’m just trying to make really awesome hotels here.

This is real life! Haha “is real” sounds like Israel.

Isn’t Leonardo DiCapprio’s ex and Tom Brady’s co-parent from there? Oh, no, they are from Brazil.

When my mom died I got really sad and contemplated suicide – but that is so dumb

Instead, I just started praying and then God started speaking to me
So don’t mess with my bff’s

  

(Hook)

OH MY GOSH THAT WAS INCREDIBLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and that boner dollar up there? Yeah, I own that. And I didn't even do it myself. It came that way. 

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE