HOLA SENORS AND SENORITAS ! What's that smell?TEQUILA!
dun dun du ndu ndu ndu ndu ndu ndunnnnn - brb gonna try to find a .gif of peewee dancing to put on the side of this now that I have that song in my head.
Nailed it.
There's 2 things I know for sure about right now:
1. I'm running on fumes and half a cup of Ethiopian coffee (bleh!) (No offense, Ethiopians) today.
2. CINCO DE MAYO IS THIS WEEKEND, Y'ALL!
Ohhhh the 5th of May. Cinco De Mayo. Cindo De Drinko. It should really be called Cinco De Mer-o, amirite? (yes) Not because I'm at all of Mexican descent, which you would for sure know after looking at me for 2.5 seconds because once it's not the summer time anymore my skin becomes a nice shade of translucent, (that's what happens when you're Irish and German. You get allllllll the drinking genes and none of the pigmentation) BUT! Because basically if someone came up to me and asked if I wanted to drink my margaritas intravenously from now on all day every day, I would probably do it. And by probably I mean definitely. And by definitely I mean - can we start a kickstarter for this? Where are Veronica Mars' people?
In honor of this delicious holiday, and because I am super good at drinking games (see: this.), I'm gonna help you live this Cinco De Mer-o to the freaking fullest. Or, if you speaka the Spanish, Yo voy a ayudarle a vivir este Cinco De Mer-o a la flipando máximo. (I have no idea if that's a thing.)
1. Drink any time you see a Mexican person actually celebrating the holiday. (The irony isn't lost on me that this is supposed to be a holiday of Mexican Independence and all us gringos go crowd the shit out of Mexican restaurants making them work harder than ever before. Meanwhile, we shut shit DOWN on July 4th. Only thing open are fireworks shops, bars, and hospitals for when people get too drunk and blow off their fingers. It happens. I know for a fact. Anyshit - I hereby promise to crack a Budweiser with everybody who serves me this Sunday when the 4th of July comes around. It just seems right. Ugh you are getting so serious stop it.)
2. Drink any time you see a drunk asshole in a sombrero shooting double finger guns. (This is possibly going to be me every time.)
3. Double drink any time you see a Mexican person who is actually celebrating in a sombrero shooting double finger guns. (Margarona if he's screaming something insanely Mexican - I dunno how to spell undalay or ariba soooo you're on your own here to figure out what that would be.)
4. Take a shot every time you hear someone talking about Jason Collins. This doesn't really have anything to do with the holiday, I just am going to need a shot if people are still talking about this on Sunday.
5. Drink and dance like Pee Wee Herman whenever you hear that TEQUILA! song.
6. Take a shot whenever you hear someone telling a story about trying to make plans with their friends for Cinco De Mayo and their dumb one asks when it is.
7. Also then buy a shot for that person, because they're gonna need it.
8. Stop living your life by all the rules! Get crazy with it! Drink when you want to! Ask yourselves WWMD ! (What would Mer do - not Web Web MD (cancer))
Ugh - That's all I got you guys. I'm sorry I couldn't do better on this one - but the moral of the story is, let's get out there and celebrate for the Mexicans, because they aren't out there to celebrate for themselves!!
LET'S STOP TALKING AND LET'S START LIVING!
ps - If you ever see a rose coming up from a crack in the concrete, just know that Tupac is not far behind.
pps- CINCO PUPPIES
KSEEYA
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